50 Ways for Emmett to Annoy His Family
by Melody Cullen
Summary: Here is a list of 50 things Emmett a.k.a. The Master of Annoyance has done to annoy his family! Not good at summaries! Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing Twilight:(**

**50 Ways for Emmett to Annoy his Family**

**Part One:**

…_A Few for Edward…_

1. Ambush him late at night while wearing plastic fangs, a long black cape, and cry "I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!!!!!"

2. Cover his piano in puppy dog stickers, and claim that they followed him home from school.

3. Scrape said stickers off of his piano, and then put them on his Volvo with Super Glue.

4. Prank call him, and ask him to come and join the dark-side.

5. Prank call him again, about 30 seconds later, and claim that he has Bella, and won't release her until he posts a video on you tube announcing that he is coming out of the closet.

6. Send said video to every girl in the country.

7. Prank call him one last time, and say that if he doesn't dance like a girl right now then the piano gets it.

"_No!!!!!" Edward cries, attempting a Gwen Stefani dance. Emmett, using a Darth-Vader voice changer, laughs maniacally into the phone. _

…_A Few for Jasper…_

8. Dress up in Rosalie's clothes, put on a long wig, follow him around, and continuously sing "Barbie Girl".

9. Sell all his Civil-War memorabilia on eBay, and replace them with pink stuffed animals.

10.Invite every girl at school to come, and tour his new and improved collection.

11.Say "Go ahead, Girlfriend!" to everything that comes out of his mouth.

12.Replace his shampoo with bright red hair-dye, and super glue.

13...then laugh, and take pictures of him when he gets out of the shower.

"_EMMETT!" Jasper yells from upstairs, trying to pry his hands from his now red hair. Emmett comes up with a camera, and snaps pictures as Jasper screams profanities at him. _

_...A Few for Alice…_

14.Steal all of her right shoes (**why does everyone always steal the left ones?**) and replace them with IOU's.

15. Convince her that the malls now have vampire detectors, and she is no longer allowed to shop.

16.Steal all of her credit cards

17….and then send a ransom note asking for $50,000.

18….When she doesn't send it to him, pretend to shred each one until she gives him the money.

"_Alright, alright!" Alice cries in defeat. "I'll give you the money, just don't hurt Visa!" Emmett accepts the money, and gives her back her real, un-harmed credit cards. By the time Alice realizes what she has done, Emmett is already half way to a bank. _

…_A Few for Carlisle…_

19.Steal all his medical supplies, and stash them in Edward's room.

20.Show up at the hospital, and claim to be the "new, and improved" Dr. Cullen.

21.Replace all his clothes with a Santa suit, and a chicken costume.

22.Burn said stolen clothes, and force him to wear either the Santa suit or chicken costume.

23.Ask him a new question every two minutes until he explodes.

24.Ask him to change every animal he happens upon into a vampire.

25….when he refuses, create them himself, and then proceed to lock said Vampiric animals in his study.

_Carlisle walks into his study, and is stampeded by four vampiric squirrels, two vampiric bunnies, and five incredibly fast vampiric turtles. "EMMETT!" He screams. Emmett, who is watching from the hallway, smiles to himself, and continues toward his room.

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_**Well, there you go. The first 25 ways for Emmett to annoy his family! I hoped you liked it!!!! **

**-Mel! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, here it is. The last 25! I hope you like it! I was kind of bored, so it might be a little outlandish, and/or random, but...that's me! Enjoy!!!**

**Disclaimer: Last time I checked I was NOT Stephenie Meyer...but, who knows!!! Still...I'm pretty sure it's not mine...:(**

**50 Ways for Emmett to Annoy His Family**

**Part Two:**

…_A Few for Esme…_

26. Ask her where babies come from.

27. Write "Edward did it" with finger paint on her white carpet.

28….then, when asked about it, claim that it says that "Edward did it"!

29. Prank call her, and ask if she ordered one thousand chickens, or two?

30….then buy two thousand chickens, and have them delivered to the house.

_Esme stares out the front door, a look of shocked horror plastered onto her face. "EMMETT CULLEN!" She yells; her gentle voice unusually furious. Emmett makes his way casually down the stairs. "Yes?" He asks innocently. Esme gestures toward the hoard of chickens. "Are YOU responsible for this?!" She demands. Emmett shakes his head, and then asks in an excited voice, "But can we keep them?!!!" Esme rolls her eyes, and stomps off to find her husband. Emmett smiles evilly, pleased with himself. _

…_A Few for Rosalie…_

31. Do not respond to anything she says unless she addresses him as "The Almighty Emmett".

32. Show up at school in her clothes, and walk around as her "twin".

33. Poke her repeatedly until she snaps.

34….then ask her why she's being so touchy.

35. Convince her to let him do her hair, and then dye it blue. (**Have you noticed that Emmett likes to dye people's hair???**)

_Rosalie screams so loudly and shrilly that the mirror in her bathroom actually cracks. Emmett can't help but roar with laughter, which doesn't help his case. "EMMETT!!!! She screams. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" "Oh don't worry, Babe," He answers in between gasps. "It'll wash out…EVENTUALLY!" He then runs at an inhuman speed to hide from his furious wife, laughing all the way. _

…_Even a Few for Bella…_

36. Replace her truck with a high-speed sports car.

37. Replace her truck with a shopping cart.

38. Convince her that Edward is gay, and he's only going out with her as a cover.

39. Prank call her (**He likes to prank call a lot too…**) and, once again using his Darth Vader voice-changer, claim to be her father.

40. Steal her entire wardrobe, and then sick Alice on her.

"_EMMETT!" Bella screams as Alice forces her into her Porsche. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!" Emmett shrugs indifferently, trying not to crack up, and wishes her a good time. Bella answers with an uncharacteristic string of profanities. _

…_And, last, but not least, a Few for Them All…_

41. Replace every male in the house's clothes with petite outfits from Forever Seventeen.

42. Replace everyone's cell phones with a chicken from his previous escapade.

43….then sell the phones on eBay for $1,000 each.

44….then claim that the chickens ate them.

45. Hire a girl to play him, and tell his family that his surgery was a success.

46. Replace everyone's car with a note saying, "IOU, but do not promise to give you, one sports car."

47. Sign them up for "Family Feud" against the Quileute Wolf Pack.

48. Create an army of Vampiric penguins.

49….then place one of said penguins in each room of the house.

50. Announce over the school intercom that he has been summoned back to his home planet, and that he will no longer be attending Forks High School.

_Emmett sneaks into the room with the school's P.A. system while the students are all at lunch. Once inside, he locks the door, and flips on the microphone. "Good Afternoon, Forks High," He says in an energetic voice. "This is the one, the only, Emmett Cullen." Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Bella share a disbelieving look. "I would like you all to know that I have been called back to my home planet in the fifth dimension, and that I will no longer be in attendance at this fine learning establishment." The office staffs tries unsuccessfully to get into the room Emmett is broadcasting from. "Now, Ladies," Emmett continues. "I know you all will miss me, but I want you to be brave, and try not to be TOO devastated by your loss." The principal finally picks the lock, and rushes angrily into the room as Emmett finishes his announcement. Emmett quickly gets up, and runs out of the office, moving too quickly to be seen very well by the human eye. The principal looks incredulously at the chair in which Emmett had just occupied. He shakes his head, bewildered, and dismisses the uncanny incident. Back in the cafeteria, the Cullens' mouths are wide open in shock, and Emmett is half-way to Alaska, trying to control his laughter. _

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**A/N: (again, again) Sorry if Esme, Rosalie, and Bella's were a bit suckish...it was kinda hard to think of things that would annoy them. But tell me what you thought!!!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for the Reviews!!! They are VERY much appreciated! **

**YOU GUYS ROCK!!!**

**-Mel!**


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